January 2011
10 posts
Dr. Mario I’m sorry, but your wife has a virus. Well three viruses actually.
Mr. Holdings Three viruses?! How is that even possible? What are they?
Dr. Mario After much research though it seems she has a red, blue, and yellow virus.
Mr. Holdings I’m sorry, what?
Dr. Mario We’ve decided to name the blue virus ‘Chill’, the red virus ‘Fever’, and the yellow virus ‘Weird’.
Mr. Holdings So she has a fever and a chill?
Dr. Mario No, no. Those are the names I’ve given the viruses. The names really have nothing to do with the symptoms that they are causing.
Mr. Holdings …Is there another doctor here I can speak to?
Dr. Mario Sir, as you can clearly see I am a qualified doctor. I have this heart listening device hanging around my neck and this shiny disc on my forehead.
Mr. Holdings Yes doctor, I’m sorry. So what is the next step?
Dr. Mario Well we’re going to treat her with a series of colored vitamins of my own design. I’ve even got this mixed tape of funky midi tunes to keep me company while I fire countless vitamins down your wife’s throat.
Mr. Holdings And what’s in the vitamins doctor?
Dr. Mario Well it’s always been my experience that the best thing to increase one’s health is mushrooms. So I’ve gone through the yard around the hospital and gathered as much as I could.
Mr. Holdings …You’re giving my wife wild mushrooms?! Where exactly did you go to med school?
Dr. Mario You mean plumbing school?
Mr. Holdings I’ll begin preparing her funeral arrangements.
